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Pieces Of My Mind
Chapter 3 (B & L)




Chapter 3
The thirst was killing her, as always. She knew that in time, she wouldn't need blood so badly, but a year of age was still young for a vampire. Very young. Still, she wasn't complaining; she was far stronger than many other vampires her age or older, and she had proved it. So, she wasn't complaining, besides, there were no words to describe the pleasure of drinking blood. But still, that night she wished she could forget about searching for a victim because she was dying to go to her Lena, and the sooner the better.

That night, she was wearing a jeans jacket, which made her less vampire-like and more innocent. Unfortunatelly, Lena had keept her jacket, so she'd had to return home in her t-shirt. That in itself didn't bother her, but when you had the sun almost coming out on you... a thick sleeve would've been helpful. Now, she had part of her arms, her hands, and face, somewhat burnt. Anyone would have seen just a tan, but Yulia knew that if it had been a bit more late, her skin would've burnt and turned completely black. So it wasn't just a tan. Tans can be mortal for vampires.

Where the hell were all the vagabonds when you needed them? Yulia was scanning street after street, and finally, she found one. The woman was huddled on a bench, surrounded by pieces of cardboard and enveloped with a dirty quilt. Yulia finished her quickly, cured the wounds on the woman's neck, and covered her head and all with the quilt.

Right, now she felt strong enough. She turned around and started running for Lena's house, still a little drunk from the blood. The places in which the sun had burnt her began stinging, which meant that the blood was curing her. Great. She musn't stay so long as yesterday... But tonight was very early, so she had many hours with Lena.

Soon, she got to Lena's building. She felt she could get there with her eyes closed now; her memory automatically photographed everything, remembering it. More vampire stuff... But now it was time to be with humans; or rather, with the human. It seemed like all the other people in the world were meaningless, and all the other vampires too. Yulia felt as if there were just one vampire (her) and one human (Lena) in the world.

The redhead was in the room. Yulia could see her, but not know what she was doing, as her thoughts were now forbidden for her to read. Suddenly, Lena opened the window and stuck out her head and arms, looking down the street. Waiting for her?

Instinctively, Yulia retreated and made herself invisible by bonding with the shadows. She wished she could still read the redhead's thoughts, instead of bumping against that damn imaginary wall. But  looking at her secretly was still something, something precious. Lena was frowning and squinting, trying to get the red strands of hair out of her face. And... oh, my God, she was wearing Yulia's black, leather jacket.

The black-haired smiled and stepped out of the shadows, allowing Lena to see her. Finally, after a minute or so, the redhead turned her head and saw Yulia looking at her from the ground. She smiled and waved her hand, both a greeting and an indication for Yulia to climb up.

So she did that, as quickly as she could, enjoying Lena's stare. When she got to the window, Lena moved out of the way to let Yulia in.

Scrambling inside the room, Yulia smiled and was about to tell Lena that they should leave, when she instantly knew that there wasn't a soul in the house besides them and the dog. What the...? But Lena explained. She had practically thrown her family out of the house, convincing her mother that a family dinner would be the best for them. A family dinner minus Lena, that had stayed home due to "horrible headache".

"Oh, so now I'm a headache" Yulia commented playfully, taking her jeans jacket off and throwing it over a chair "By the way, I love your jacket."

Lena frowned and then looked down at herself, remembering that she had Yulia's leather jacket on. How to explain that she had hardly let go of it in the whole day? It didn't smell of Yulia, and it was taut on her, but it reminded her that this wasn't a dream. Hell, it was the jacket of a vampire! There were no words to describe the emotion. But for Yulia, there were. Because she was feeling the same emotions that Lena felt. No, she didn't want the jacket now; yes, Lena could keep it if she wanted to.

They sat down on the bed, a bit awkwardly, Yulia trying to look around the pink room to avoid staring at the redhead's cheeks. This was the night to talk, wasn't it? Lena had banished all her family for them to be cozy and calm. She wanted to take the redhead outside and have her hug her neck while they jumped from rooftop to rooftop. She craved for hugging her and sitting quietly on top of a building with her, waiting for a vampire to pass and point it to her. Now that Lena could hide her thoughts, this was possible, and there was no danger. But no, they couldn't do those things until the redhead knew Yulia's worst secret, the thing that made her nearly go mad they night Lena found her in the park: that she killed a vampire, and that vampire was only a sad reminder of the first vampire she killed.

"Wait, don't. You're not going to say a thing until you tell me your name. It's fair, isn't it?"

Hell, she was right! At once, Yulia was ashamed of herself. It was her custom to hide her name and everything she could from everyone else, so she hadn't even remembered that Lena wasn't "everyone else", and that she had the right of knowing her name. So, she whispered it to her and sighed, sensing that the terrible conversation was near. Wanting to touch Lena's hair but controlling herself, she slumped on the bed instead, closing her eyes.

Then, she felt that the sheets creaked and the bed moved. Some sweet smell was raiding her senses, and she felt an unbearable warmth near her own, not as warm body. Knowing what she would see but feeling incapable of imagining it, she opened her eyes. Lena had lied down on the bed too, by her side. The room was dim; only a small bed lamp illuminated the place. God, Lena was making this conversation thing intimate. For the first time, Yulia felt willing to talk about this and get it over with. Everything was possible with Lena's face so close to hers. Her hand went slowly but boldly towards the redhead and clutched a thick strand of curly hair while she began talking.

I was about to brake up with Arman, the last boyfriend I've ever had. You know how it is; we finally got bored of each other... it happens. I was fed up of doing the same stuff over and over again, of having nothing new to tell him, and of having sex just to try and spice up the relationship.
Sometimes it worked; things went on fine for a while, but then our eyes would stop seeing little hearts and stars around our faces. I really had nothing against him, but it ended up being just him trying to get us interested in being together. Me, I couldn't care less... for me, it was routine; everything. He did love me, you know, really, but I didn't, or never did. That is a doubt I still have sometimes, but then I remember that pity isn't love. I liked his character, his car, his family... That isn't love, and it's highly doubtful that is even friendship.

Then, I didn't phone him in two weeks time, and refused to answer when he called. I wanted him to hate me and leave me alone, but he never did. Really, I started thinking that I would never get rid of the guy. But something happened. Something unexplainable, unexpected... He stopped calling and coming to my house. Nearly a week went by and I couldn't believe it! Had he given up... finally? What do you think? Of course not.
One night, I was in my bedroom, trying to get some sleep, when someone knocked, but not on the door. The knock was on the window, where there was a man. Well, not a man. I think you can imagine... It was him, Arman, but it wasn't him. He was... a fucking vampire!

Now, as a vampire, I look back and can assure that he wouldn't have survived much longer. There's no way of knowing, but he looked like suicide meat. Many times, people turn crazy when they transform into vampires, I've seen it more than once. They don't accept their new condition, or they are simply not destined to be vampires. Arman wasn't fit for the job; he was too nervous, too anxious. He had no control over his own powers, and seemed distracted by everything around him. It was as if he kept forgetting that I was in the room, and God knew that I was more than damn shocked. But he wasn't willing to calm me down, the bastard.
The only thing he kept repeating like a prayer was that we were going to be together forever, and he had the formula. It was like a nightmare: together forever, together forever, together forever... I wanted to slap him.

Needless to say, the last thing I wanted was to stick with him until the end of time, but living forever did seem like an attractive option. So I questioned him about vampire stuff, and finally I learnt everything I wanted to know and told him yes. He didn't even read my mind to know if it was a lie, which it was. Stupid fool...
I lied, Lena, I told him that I loved him! I told him everything that he wanted to hear. Then... it started. He sucked my blood, and I almost had to direct him; tell him when to stop. The poor guy knew what he wanted, but he was to crazy to do it. So I had to make him bite his wrist, weak as I was, so that I could drink his blood. I repeat, he was crazy, he had no awareness of his powers, or else he could've stopped me easily. But he didn't, and I know that this isn't an excuse. Arman got weaker and weaker while I drank and drank, like an addict, and got stronger.


I didn't want to be with him for all the eternity, not even for a night, but I really can't say that I knew what I was doing. Only my mouth and his blood existed, and finally, not even his blood. He was a very young vampire, so sucking all his blood out was an easy way of killing him. Or maybe he wasn't completely dead, but I left him in the rooftop of my building, helpless to the approaching sun. I... killed him, okay? Gorging on his blood...
When you found me in the park... I had just slain another vampire, weaker than me, and drank his blood. So it all came back to me, all that happened that night. It was as if I didn't kill Arman, as if someone else with my body did it. So I could justify it with my immaturity with vampirism... but I did it again. There's no way of excusing myself. Now you know.

Lena was speechless. The only thing she could do was stare at Yulia. They stayed like that for a while, just looking at each other. The dark-haired was praying for some word, some gesture, but minutes passed and it didn't come. Great, she had spoiled everything. She dropped the strand of red hair she had been holding and twisting, and sat up on the bed. Of course, Lena's mind was firmly locked up, but it wasn't too hard to guess what was she thinking of her. Killing her boyfriend... how could she do that? There was no answer for this because she didn't know. That was what she was trying to figure out; was she a monster, was she just, plain... evil?

"Of course you aren't evil" Lena found herself whispering.

The vampire turned around and faced the redhead. Oh, so she wasn't evil? Lena shook her head and told her that she only saw a girl who couldn't accept things. She didn't want to stay with her boyfriend and did what was in her power to prevent it. Now, she didn't accept her own nature, she was rebelling against herself and, because vampires couldn't help her, she searched protection with a human.

Could that be true? Maybe. She felt guilty, but not sorry for all that she'd done. And that was why she felt like that, because she would do it again and again. It wasn't right, but it was worth it. Wiping her eyes, she looked at Lena, wanting to hear more comforting words. The redhead sat up too and touched Yulia's face, asking her to stop crying.

"Is this blood?" she asked, laying a finger on a reddish droplet.

"Yes. I sweat blood too."

"You said it was worth it. Do you mean drinking the blood of those vampires? Why is it worth it? Does it taste that good?"

She was talking about things she didn't understand. No, it wasn't because of the taste. It was the unexplainable pleasure it brought to the ones who drank it. Did she know the difference between bad and good, or where they just made-up concepts? She knew that everyone would've said that what she was doing was bad, but she couldn't think of a reason. So she did it; she lifted a finger, bit into it, and showed it to Lena.

<<You want to know why it's worth it? You try it. Quick, before it closes up.>>

The dark-haired wished to have something to draw Lena's expression: it was priceless. Her features metamorphosed from repulsion, to surprise, to interest. The tiny wound sealed, and Yulia had to bite the tip of her finger again. Was she going to do it? They could spend the whole night talking about blood, and nothing would describe the experience vividly enough.

Two little drops of blood began popping out of the incision. When they were about to slide off Yulia's finger, Lena came near and closed her lips around the little wound and the fingertip. At once, her body reacted, stiffening as if an electric current was running through it. Yulia closed her eyes and sighed, trying to make the instant eternal, while the redhead sucked beads of red blood and closed her eyes too, dropping helplessly on the bed. It didn't matter; Yulia knew the feeling very well, the sensation of a pleasure so different from any other. A form of pleasure in its own.

Both girls were lying on the bed, and Yulia knew that she shouldn't let the redhead drink more than that. Her finger slid off Lena's lips, and the cut cured at once, not leaving a stain on the clean, light pink sheets.

What had Lena seen? Or rather, what was she seeing now? She was staring at the ceiling, wide-eyed and open mouthed. Her lips were deep red now, her cheeks were burning. For a while, she would see things through the eyes of a vampire, that was what the blood did to you. She would feel and see like Yulia, she would hear what was going on in other flats of the building.

<<Are you okay?>>, Yulia asked her, mentally.

"Yesss" Lena whispered out loud.

The redhead tried to sit up, digging her fingers on the sheets and sloppily pulling herself up. Her eyes were rolling in all directions, enjoying the sight of everything, and then, she looked at Yulia, who was still lying there, worried, and not knowing what to do. Lena's lips were still red, still stained with a thin layer of blood.

"Your blood..." Lena was slurring "I understand. I understand why... and I think... no, I feel. I feel... You're beautiful. Everything's beautiful, Yu...lia."

Exactly. Through the eyes of a vampire, everything had its beautifulness. But surely, Lena couldn't be compared to anything. Look at her, rubbing her eyes as if she was dreaming.

Raising her arms very slowly, Yulia surrounded the girl's waist and pulled her down to the bed. This was like seducing a drunk (terribly unfair and easy), but she couldn't stop herself. Lena's body dropped on top of hers, hip against hip, and nose tip against nose tip. They were getting lost in each other's eyes, and Yulia was aware of the danger, but at the same time, she was searching for it. The danger of kissing her and loving her... too much; loving her as a lover.

But, at the same time, not kissing her would be a crime, something she wouldn't forgive herself. And Lena looked quite willing. So she closed her eyes and pressed her lips against the girl's, feeling her breath as in a dream and savoring the blood that remained on them.

The wall Lena had created so carefully completely crumbled down, and Yulia was capable of "seeing" everything that her redhead was. Everything. The rush of her own emotions mixed with Lena's, and soon they were kissing more roughly, the redhead moaning and helplessly pulling at the sheets around Yulia, while the dark-haired stroked that red hair. Their tongues shot inside each other's mouth, one hungrily searching for the other, and caressing it. This was heaven; this simple kissing was so human and down to earth, so different from her life around monsters and blood that it did feel like heaven.

Lena moaned louder, and her hands began caressing the sides of Yulia's body. The dark-haired knew what she was trying to do, and she needed to prevent it. She sat up on the bed, carrying Lena with her, and then changed places. Now that she was on top, she could control the situation and be the one to inflict pleasure. Fortunately, Lena was so lost that she didn't care. The redhead accepted and returned the kisses, and then simply closed her eyes and breathed heavily while Yulia trailed her lips and her fingers along that sweet skin of hers, enjoying the softness of her arms and the warmth of her belly.

Then, the redhead sighed, enjoying the last moments of her vampire vision. Yulia kissed her navel one more time and then laid by her side, wondering what to do next, what to say.

The redhead's wall was up again where it had been, preventing Yulia from knowing her opinion about this. Sighing, she figured she'd had to do this the normal way too, the human way. Her arms propped her up, so she could peer at Lena's face, and try to guess how was everything just by her expression.
"Lena?" she whispered, her voice breaking into the silence and making the redhead bounce.

"Oh! Yes? Yulia..." it was as if she had seen her for the first time "Yulia..."

Allowing herself to smile sweetly, the dark-haired buried her face on Lena's hair and kissed her neck. And Lena let her, so that proved that she had absolute confidence in her. Not everyone would let a vampire kiss their neck! So she figured that Lena was okay with this. But what did she think about it? One of them was a girl, and the other was a vampire. A vampire! This couldn't be a relationship, there was something clearly wrong with it, before even beginning. Wasn't her redhead conscious of this? And what would happen if... what would happen when Lena... when the time came, when she felt the need...?

"Lena, we gotta talk about this, don't you think?"

"Yes... But didn't you see it coming?" the redhead was waking up and talking coherently again "Really, didn't you? Not the blood... the other thing. The kiss, the feelings."

"I knew that I wanted it to happen, but I didn't know that you wanted it too. How can you... like me, knowing what I am and what I do?"

"First, I'm sure that I want it. Second, I've been thinking about this, about what you do, and I've figured that I care more about seeing you. I know it's cruel, it's a brutal thing to say."

"Yes? And do you think I'm gonna judge you? Me?" Yulia laughed "I think I'm not the most adequate person to do that, so don't worry. Hell, am I even a person?"

Both girls laughed at this, maybe sharing their cruelty, and thinking that being together justified everything. The dark-haired figured to put her troubles aside for a while; she was going to allow herself some nights of fun, of enjoying Lena. Wasn't the redhead smart enough to see that one of them was a vampire? Yes, so when they discussed this, Lena would also have thought about this and would have things to say.
So they simply lied there, playing with each other's fingers. Lena had that impenetrable wall back in place, but Yulia kept wanting to bump into it. Then, she heard a noise, far away from the redhead's room, down in the street. They were opening the door. A handsome man dressed elegantly, a woman with red hair, and two little redheaded, cute girls. Lena's family. At least, she could easily read them! The woman had had a delicious time, the same as the man, but the girls were bored to death. The oldest of the two, who was just an eleven-year old, only wanted to get into bed and sleep all the tediousness off. But she shouldn't get lost in those people's minds... she had to leave at once!

"Lena!" she cried, getting up and kneeling on the bed "Your family, your family's here!"

"What? Already? How do you...?" Oh, never mind! Just wait for me outside and I'll pretend that I'm asleep. Then, when they go to sleep, you take me away, okay?"

Yulia nodded and rapidly shoved her jeans jacket on and jumped out the window. The redhead smiled. How could she do these things? It was shocking, the way Yulia jumped out of a window without even looking. But she had to put on those damn pajamas and get into bed! Hurriedly, she did this, just putting on the upper part (a shirt), and only half-buttoning it. Then, she switched off the light and buried herself in the sheets, trying to fake some heavy breathing. Meanwhile, Yulia sat on the window sill, pulled up the collar of her jacket, and smoked a cigarette.

The house door opened, and Lena heard her mother's whispering, and then the grave answers of the woman's boyfriend, Damien. She also heard her sisters dragging their small feet into the room they shared. Blanca (the chow-chow dog) barked once, and was meanly reprimanded by her mother. Then, she closed her eyes tightly when she heard the woman open the door of her room and whisper her name. Hush, couldn't she see that she was sleeping? Finally, she closed the door.

Okay, that had been close. Now, could they all just go to bed? Twenty minutes later, everyone was in silence at last. So she got up and opened the window. Yulia turned her head and smiled, flicking her third cigarette away. Great, they were leaving.

"Yes" Lena whispered "But wait, I need to put my clothes on again."

The vampire waited, still sitting on the window sill, and marveling at Lena's naked legs once again. But then, there was a small knock on the door, and Yulia could have kicked herself for not noticing. Damn leg-distraction! She moved away from sight, as Lena jumped back into bed and murmured a "yes?".

A little girl came in. One of her sisters, but not the eleven-year old. This one was even smaller in age and size. Her name was Vera, and she was seven; that was what Yulia could read.

"Lena?" the little girl whispered.

"Yes? What is it? Vera? What are you doing awake?"

"I can't sleep" Vera whined "Can I sleep with you today?"

There went her night with Lena. She heard how the redhead accepted, but told her that first she had to go to the bathroom. Vera shrugged and went, and Yulia shrugged too. At once, Lena opened the window again and her head popped out. What a sad expression... Yulia was deceived, but she couldn't blame her Lena. They both smiled and gave each other a goodnight kiss.

<<Goodnight>>, said Yulia's mind, <<sweet dreams>>.

Lena nodded and closed the window. But, when Yulia was about to jump off the window, Lena's mind told her: <<my dreams would be sweeter with you>>. God... About to cry, the vampire told her that she was the dream. And then left.
Cute little sister that Lena had. Cute family too. Incredibly, she wished she was amongst them, but that was the most impossible of things. So impossible, that Yulia had to stop jumping and sit down because she was rolling around with laughter. This rooftop was a good place, so she decided to stay there and smoke for a while, thinking about what had happened that night. What had Lena said? That she had seen it coming. How smart of her. And could she also see what would be next? That would be helpful, because Yulia had no idea of what to do. Yes, she would go back to her window, and maybe take her for a walk, and perhaps they would kiss again. That was what she wanted, wasn't it? But it was impossible; how could Lena have a vampire as a girlfriend? Apart from everything, this wasn't Buffy, vampires couldn't... well, they couldn't.

"Say it, Volkova" Yulia sighed, smashing her cigarette to dust "Say it. Vampires can't fuck."

That was why she had prevented Lena from caressing her; because, eventually, she would reach... there, and nothing would happen. God, the only pleasure she could feel was when she drank blood, and it was pleasure enough, now Lena knew what it was... But what should she do? Drink Lena's blood? Over her dead body, over her body transformed into ashes. She would never feed off Lena, or course. Although, evidently, she desired her, she wanted to take just a sip and remember it forever. But, no. They had to talk about this non-sexual relationship, at least on Yulia's part.